Eleven years after the tragedy of 9/11, today we remember those love ones who were lost, and we honor those who sacrificed their lives for the sake of our freedom. Our nation was shaken to its roots; our national defense and our national confidence disrupted. But somehow, in the midst of deep grief and loss, our nation found a way to stand again. We chose to believe in something greater than the principles of those who sought to destroy us. We held onto something more powerful than destruction. We had found a way to hold on to hope again.
I believe that recovery is possible. And if a nation can rise back out of the ashes, so can an individual, no matter how many times they’ve been broken. All the things that we might have let break us apart can lead us to emerge stronger and more determined than ever to live a life worth remembering.
Maybe if the rest of us opened up our hearts to love a little bit more, to sacrifice a few of our comforts, to reach out to the broken hearts around us; maybe we could change the world by changing a few minds, changing a few lives. Maybe we could create a better world where people choose to live instead of choosing to die. As a nation, we are strongest when we are united. As a people, we harness the power of freedom and responsibility. As an individual, I wish to see a world where lives are claimed by love instead of death.
When someone commits suicide, everyone around them pays the price in one way or another. There is always a cost. Someone will always end up broken, even blaming themselves for what happened. People touch others with their lives, whether they realize it or not. I can name at least three people on the spot who have changed my life for the better, even if they will never know. It would crush me if any one of them were to take their own life because they believed that they didn’t matter.
Not too long ago, a friend of mine paid the price when her father, an active member of the U.S. military, committed suicide. This letter is for her. Even though she may never read it, it’s out there, and maybe it’ll make a difference to someone.
A letter, to M --
Truth be told, it’s been a while. But today was enough to remind me of how close we’d been at one point, a few years ago, even though now we never see each other. Maybe it was my fault or maybe it was yours or maybe it was both of us just not noticing as our lives drifted father apart. The memories we made from that one sleepover in late July (was it really back in 2008?) still bring back a smile; when life was simple and the only thing that kept us up at night were deep discussions over Psalm 23 and long talks about what God had in store for our lives. I wonder if you still remember anything I said to you then, and if any of it mattered at all or if it was just the kind of chatter for late nights that’s soon forgotten upon waking with the dawn.
I remember hearing the news several months ago, that your father was gone. I wonder what went through your mind when your family told you. Or if maybe you were the one who discovered it. I wish I could hear all the questions that rushed upon you as your heart skipped a beat before shattering apart. I wish I could know what you felt as you realized that your hero was gone. And I just wish I could have been there to hold your hand and help you through.
I don’t know how close you and your father were. I don’t know what regrets you carry or memories you cherish. And I don’t know if you ever suspected what he would do. But what I do know is that he was your dad, and it still hurts. There will always be a part of you that aches whenever you remember, because no matter how much or how little you cared, he was there and now he’s not.
I know I can’t understand all of what you felt, or what you feel now, but I want you to know that I do care. Across the many miles apart we now live, across the time since we’ve seen each other, I still carry you in my heart. You inspire me with your strength and your courage, by continuing to live; by finding a reason to keep believing that things will get better. Your joy found new in each day despite your pain is a light shining through the darkness. Thank you for touching my life.
You are loved, M. You are loved more than you will ever know.
Please, don’t forget. Please, stay alive.
No comments:
Post a Comment